Frustrated!!

Let me start by saying I really LOVE my agency and it's staff. I think they are TOPS and that they work very hard doing what they do and I am not posting this against them. I'm just frustrated!!

Back four years ago, when we decided to adopt, we included Joshua in the process and the decision. When we lost our little girl Hannah when her birthmom changed her mind, Joshua's heart hurt as much as ours did. When we sent our dossier for China, we bought Josh books about China and he went around telling everyone about water buffaloes and how rice was grown. He prays for his sister, he talks about his sister and now that we have the referral, he is so worried about how this is going to change his "I've been the only child for ten years" status in our family. He has reverted, somewhat, to a younger age, wanting his mom to hug and snuggle and to not leave him. We've had so many people ask why we are spending the extra money to take him with us on the trip and we've explained that the reasons are two-fold. One, he is a part of our family; this is as much his experience as it is ours. We are adding to our family and his life is impacted by that. The second reason is that we want him to get to experience another country while he is still young and impressionable. We want him to experience life outside the "good ole" U.S. We want him to know that the life he leads is not all there is and that others don't live that way. We want him to have an opportunity to work with a missionary in a foreign country. These experiences and exposure will make his life richer. There is also the reason that he has never been away from us for that long. When he was three, we went to a conference in Hawaii for four or five days, but he doesn't remember that. Kevin and I have always worked our schedules so that someone is always home for Josh. He can do a night or two away, but definitely NOT 16.

I asked very early on if it would be a problem for him to go along and was told it wouldn't. And, I suppose, they aren't saying it will now. BUT... I got an email today saying that he will not be allowed in the orphanage and that he will not be allowed to see or hold Ellie due to her being so tiny. And, of course, they pointed out, someone will have to stay with him (DUH!) and so we might consider that since our time with the baby will be limited. *sigh* I refuse to choose one over the other. So... Kevin and I are going to pray about it and ask that you do as well. We are hopeful, that like others who are there now, we will be able to take Ellie out into the sun and the courtyard and Josh will be able to interact with her them. I fully understand that they want to keep the little babies healthy and protect them from germs as disease must spread quickly in an orphanage, my heart is aching over this information. I am certain God is bigger than this and that it will work out.

On a better note, to celebrate our pending departure, I ordered Chinese at the hotel tonight. I'm about to open my fortune cookies, so let me share. OH MY... I promise I didn't read them first. They say:

Things are not always what they seem. It's not that bad.
and
Your magnetic personality will draw people to you this month.

Haha!

I remember a fortune cookie Josh got right after we logged in our dossier in China. it said, Your next trip will be overseas. Well, it has been a while, but Josh hasn't been on a "big trip" in a while, so I suppose that was true!

BTW, scroll down and look at those beautiful pix of my little "burrito". My friend Michelle has nicknamed her this and it is perfect. She's wrapped up tight!! By this time next week, I'll be on a plane to see her -- HOW DID THAT HAPPEN???? :-)

Train is moving TOO FAST

I came home from church tonight to an email indicating that our travel dates have been set. We are leaving May 23rd and will be in Kyrgyzstan from May 25-June 8. Can someone tell me how I'm going to get back to Atlanta, inspect 350 homes, enter 625 inspections, buy luggage, pack, arrange pet/house care, get papers together including updated medicals and police clearance letters, GET THE USCIS TO SEND MY I171H (yes, I'm yelling), and be ready to leave in, oh 10 days????? There is also Field Day and Graduation at school. I don't have my "new and clean" money yet. It is due to come in on the Thursday before we leave on Friday. Hmmmppff. Be careful what you ask for -- you just might get it all (ironically, this is a line from Daughtery's hit, "Home"). DELEGATE!!! That's it!!

So... pray for the following things for our family now, if you will:

1. Patience with each other during a high stress time
2. Energy to do all we need to do
3. Good health
4. Safe travel
5. My mom and dad and Kevin's mom, who I know will worry while we are gone
6. Joshua, who is experiencing a LOT of changes going on around him and isn't quite sure, still, where he fits in
7. Ellie, that God will continue to keep her safe and loved while we are coming to meet her and in the days until we can return to pick her up for good!!

I've been absolutely AMAZED today at all the kind words and well wishes. I cannot TELL you how many there have been, and we are SO blessed to have so many caring friends and family all around the world who are loving us and sharing this excitement with us. It is as big a blessing as Ellie herself. Thank each of you so much for your kind words and for caring for us!

REFERRAL!!!!! Meet our Ellie

This post is about yesterday (Tuesday), but I was too spent to post last night.

Today I was travelling back to Georgia to finish up my project work for State Farm. I spent a good deal of time in prayer pouring out my heart to God (like Hannah) about my desires for a referral before the delegates come to the States. I asked God specifically if He could give us a referral this week so we could travel by the end of the month instead of having to wait until July.

I stopped to get gas and popped into a Dollar Tree and left my phone in the car. I didn't see any missed calls when I came back out, but I think my battery had died so I plugged it in to charge. A bit later, while checking my email, I saw a message from our agency that they had left me a phone message and could I please call them. I almost had a heart attack. I called back and both Brent and Joyce were on the phone (ARGHH!) and I left a message. I could barely drive after that. When they called back (they were both on the line), I said, "Let's just cut to the chase and tell me if this is "THE CALL" so I can pull over and have a heart attack." They laughed and Brent said, "Yes, it was "THE CALL" so I pulled over into a Shell parking lot and listened as I got the word of our new daughter. We spent a while on the phone going over her particulars and I tried not to get all weepy so I could pay attention and take good notes to share with Kevin.

As soon as we hung up, I called him and told him we have a daughter!!! and shared all the details with him. I went over to a McDonalds and had to go to the bathroom and as we discussed our options for looking at the photo, sharing this with Joshua and our families, it became apparent that I would just have to come home. As I told my mom, "Sometimes you just have to go home." So, four hours there, four hours back. I know God was with me on that trip back because I did NOT have enough time to get back before it was time for Joshua to be at his ballgame and yet, I made it -- by the skin of my teeth. We had agreed, Kevin and I, that if we got the referral when we were apart, we would wait to see the photos until we were together. Had I known.... maybe I wouldn't have made that agreement.

She is absolutely beautiful. Her photos appear to be from birth which is a HUGE blessing in that she will never have to wonder what she looked like when she was born. She is tiny, tiny. She is in the orphanage now and since we have some friends who are there and are going to take photos of her for us. Stay tuned for photos next week when they return.

SO, you don't want to read what I have to write, you want to see photos. SO... Meet our little Ellie!!

Monday Update

I made my "Monday morning wake-up" call to our agency today and know exactly nothing more than I did before. ARGHHH!!!

I was told the agency is not able to contact the folks in country due to the rolling "Brown Outs" which are basically blackouts to conserve energy in country. I know this has been happening as I have heard this from families who are currently in country. She indicated they have not been able to confirm travel arrangements for the in-country staff who are coming to visit in June. I told her that I knew if we didn't travel prior to May 30, we would not be able to travel until the end of June/first of July and she confirmed that we would need to get a referral and travel prior to then, but that they cannot confirm what's going on in country due to the inability to make contact with them.

I asked if she got any tidbits or even hints of any referrals, if she would call me and give me just a bit of hope.

I'm having a really hard time of this right now. We've waited for almost four years and the last four months have been absolutely the hardest of the entire wait. Position 1 is not the glory place it appears to be. It's a double-edged sword -- you are so excited to be next, but when the wait it long, it is so hard. When I see her face and hold her, I'm certain it will be all worth it, but right now -- oh, so hard.

So, I'm back off to Georgia tomorrow. Lots of hard work will keep me busy.

Calendar Review

I don't know if you can see the calendar to the left. It's there for your reference so you can understand my "logic" about when I think we'll get our referral. Can you tell I think about this too much??? I'm too much of a "planner" to not try to work this out in my mind. If you could see my "real" calendar ...

Ok... so the folks from Kyrgyzstan (our in-country coordinator, director of the orphanage and a judge from Tokmok) are coming to the states June 16-23 for a visit with our agency and families who are home with their children.

Travel to Kyrgyzstan is for 16 days. Families leave on Friday and return two Sundays later. Families that are currently there will be home around the 18th of May. There are two families leaving this week to pick up their babies (Trip 2), and those trips are normally 10 days so they should be home around the time the other families come home, maybe a day or two later.

After receiving a referral, families TYPICALLY travel 10-14 days later. SO.... logic says that the LAST date we could travel and have the delegation still be able to get to the States is May 30. In order to travel by May 30, we would logically have to have a referral no later than May 16-May 20 (10-14 days before travel). Since the families are returning May 18, I'm thinking .... that the referral should come next week. I can't imagine (but then again, what do I know??) that the in-country coordinator would want to be without families from middle of May until she comes here in the middle of June. Maybe she's going to take a vacation -- I'm CERTAIN she deserves one!!

I really need to get a job/life/hobby/"fill in the blank" -- don't you think?

"This Month"

I caved in and called Brent at AO today. He's always so willing to talk -- even when he can't give me the answers I want. I don't think he quite "gets" my "off" sense of humor yet and probably takes the things I say much more seriously than I mean them. When I asked if I was going to get a referral this year he said, "Well, yes, of course, you are still at the top of the list." :-)

We talked about how I felt things have slowed up with the restructuring and how I didn't think any agencies had had any referrals since it was announced about the restructure. He told me that I could not compare my experience with others who were with other agencies. I told him I wasn't trying to but was wondering if the things going on in Kyrgyzstan were why there weren't any referrals for anyone.

Then he says to me (PLEASE, if you are with another agency DO NOT report this on the yahoo board or reference MY name as the source of this information), "Did I send a memo last week telling you all the Embassy was opened back up?" I said "Uh, no." He indicated things were busy last week and he guessed he didn't get to it. Well.

I asked when we might expect a referral -- his best guess with me not holding him to the wall about it. He said he thought it was reasonable to expect that we will get a referral this month. I should be all "doing the happy dance" about this, but shoot, this month still has 26 more days. Oh well, I keep reminding myself that I trust God to handle my life and that He will do it better than I can or will. And, in that, He has control over when this happens. So.... I'm going to TRY to stop thinking about it and when it happens, it happens.

I'd like to say this is my last post about waiting for my referral and I will not post anymore about it until I get one. BUT.... knowing me, I will so I'd best not make that statement.

SOON!

This week? Next week? When?

I have a poll on my other blog listing when folks think we might get our referral. The most chosen date is May 5. When we signed up at Adoption Options, we were told 2-4 months for a referral. That window ends May 4.

I'm going to be honest. I don't think we will make either May 4 or 5. I SO wanted to have our referral before Mother's Day. I know it's just a day, but this will be the fourth Mother's Day I've had in the back of my mind, "Maybe next year I'll be a mom to two." Now, don't get me wrong. If I'm never a mother to anyone other than Joshua, it will be enough. He is what makes me a mom, a mother, a mama, a mommy. It is truly all I could ever ask for. But, I do know in my heart there is another child out there who will call me mama. And, I'd just like to see her face before Mother's Day. But, it's a week from today. And I'm just not sure it will happen. My gut tells me it won't. My gut is saying the referral won't come until the week after Mother's Day.

My mom's birthday is May 10. She'd like to get the referral for her birthday. Wouldn't that be cool?

Oh well... I'm whining and that frustrates me, so I'm going to quit. Our referral will come in God's time, not mine, and there is nothing I can do about it. My new favorite word: soon.